I'll Miss you
by chazouarmelle
Summary: SPOILERS SEASON 5! Dean is devastated after having lost his brother once again. He wants to sleep and forget everything, but Castiel comes to see him...


The young man was driving his Chevrolet Impala, he didn't know where he was heading, but he had to flee far from here. He had failed in the more important task given to him since he was a child once again.

He parked the car in front of a motel, got out of the car quickly, wanting more than anything to collapse on the soft bed the motel was promising, but he had to register first. He didn't felt like talking to someone right now, he had driven all day and a good part of the night, he hadn't even taken the time to say goodbye to Bobby…

He paused just outside of the car, why not sleep in there, afterall? No… He couldn't, his smell was still there, like clinging around him, as if he'd be here, ready to climb in the vehicle by the next minute. But he'll never do it again. Not anymore. He finally made up his mind and walked to the small motel's entrance. Apparently, there wasn't a lot of clients tonight. He opened the door and walked in.

- "Good evening, Sir. Do…"

The woman stopped in her tracks when she lifted her head up and took his appearance in. He knew he wasn't in good shape, his eyes were probably red and puffy, a real morbid face. He tried to smile to the young woman but he wasn't sure of the result. He lent on the counter and sighed softly. He really didn't feel like interacting with people, but he needed a room badly.

- "Hi… I would like a room for tonight please. I've got a credit card… I… »

His eyes fell on the credit card he had taken from his wallet, it had to be the last one his brother had used. He put it on the counter and pushed it toward the employee. She smiled, accepting it and looked at him straight in the eyes.

- "Broken heart?"

- "I'm sorry but, that's my business and I'd like to keep it private…"

The woman just smiled and gave him the key of his room. He took it and turned around without saying goodbye. He looked at the number hanged on the key chain before heading to the door of his room. Hopefully, it was situated right next to where his car was parked.

He unlocked the door, walked in and stuffed the key in his pocket before closing the door softly behind him. Suddenly, he felt like all the weight of everything that happened earlier became too much to bear. He fell on his knees, to the ground, tears rolling down his face. He had lost his brother. The only person left to him. How could he stay up after this? He should never had let him do this… How could jumping in the cage with Lucifer could have been a good idea? His father would probably hate him for that, he would have told him to leave. It was his task, his goal in life to protect his little brother… How could he call that protect? And this promise he had made? How could he keep it? He just couldn't live peacefully while knowing his brother was tortured again and again by Lucifer, without trying to get him out of there… He rubbed his hand on his face, like it would suffice to erase all the memories. He jerked upward and grabbed his gun when he heard a noise coming from one of the corner of the room.

- "Who's there?!" Dean said, his gun directed at the dark.

- "That's only me, Dean…"

- "Cass?"

The young man felt the tension leaving him and let his gun fall on the floor. He turned on the light and looked at the angel who was standing now in the middle of the room. Dean didn't know what to say, Cass was the last person he'd expected to see here. Angels… He had lost his brother mostly because of them. He couldn't stand the fact that another angel came to ask something from him. But… How could he be here? He hadn't even called for him!

- "If Heavens or God need me for something, you can just tell them to fuck off, I've already lost my brother for you, I refuse to lose more! I…"

- "Dean, I… I haven't left for Heavens yet… I wanted to see you. Sam wanted to make sure that you…"

- "Don't talk to me about Sam, Cass! I swear to you that if you mention his name once again, I'll kill you... What am I saying… You wouldn't even understand anyway… You're an angel, you have no feelings…"

Dean went to the bed under Cass' gaze. He sat on it and looked back at the angel. He had this look on his face once again, a genuine wonder for what was happening around him. The young man knew he was curious about Dean's feelings for his brother, but he didn't want to explain. He was exhausted, he didn't want to talk, he wanted to be left alone.

- "Get out, Cass…"

- "Dean, Sam was my friend, I'm as sad as…"

- "SAD? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! How could you be sad when you don't even know how it feels like?! How could you understand how I feel right now?! I've lost all my family in this battle, how could I keep standing up after that, huh?! What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to protect, now ?! Your God, your so precious Heavens stole my entire life, they took me everything… EVERYTHING! How could you possibly understand all of that ? »

The angel hasn't moved from his place in the room, hasn't even reacted, but he has taken every single word that Dean had pronounced like a punch in the face. Dean knew it wasn't Castiel's fault, but he couldn't help it, the words had to get out of him. He saw the angel moving hesitantly, then disappearing. The young man sighed and lied on the bed, finally alone. He was regretting what he had said to the angel, but he'll have all the time he wanted to apologize later. He needed to find a way to bring back his brother. He turned on his side and found himself face to face with Castiel.

- "What are you doing here? Get out of my butt, Cass!"

- "But I'm not in it…"

Dean didn't try to argue, he wanted to sleep, but should Castiel stay or not, he wouldn't be able to anyway. He sighed and turned his back to the angel. Neither of them said anything. They stayed like this just waiting for the time to tick by. Dean was ok with that. He closed his eyes, the only thing he was hearing was the light breathing of the angel lying behind him. It was totally different from Sam's way to breathe. He had often listened to his brother sleeping when he, himself, couldn't. Just to make sure he was ok. The thought broke him. He'd never be able to know if his brother was ok or not now… He curled his body on itself a bit more. Now that he was thinking about it, he was regretting having thrown the amulet Sam had given him when they were kids. It was his most precious gift.

Another tear rolled along his cheek. He then felt the heat of the angel's body against his back. It was relaxing, he didn't know why, but at the moment, that was better than most of the words they could have said. In a way, he wanted to run away but on the other side, he needed more of this heat. He turned around to face the angel and enlaced him.

- "I… Just for a few seconds…"

The young man was surprised the angel didn't push him away and he appreciated it, it was the only thing he needed. Human heat, or should he say angelic? He was feeling his breath against his face, it was a bit unsettling but not disturbing. He opened his eyes and looked at the angel for a long moment, it made the painful memories of his brother easier to bear… He didn't know why, but it worked. Castiel closed his eyes slowly and Dean couldn't resist and then kissed him. Just a soft press of lips against lips. The angel didn't move, he let him kiss him without saying anything. The young man moved his head back a bit to breathe.

- "Does that make you feel better?"

Dean didn't answer but caressed softly Castiel's cheek before sliding his fingertips behind his ear. He smiled softly and succumbed to sleep eventually. He made a quick mental note, it had been 48 hours since he hadn't slept. He woke up several hours later, facing his nightstand. He turned around to see if the angel was still here, but Castiel was gone. There was only a little note and a necklace on the pillow. Dean took the note and read it, smiling softly. He took the necklace, it was the amulet he had regretted so much to throw away. A new tear rolled down his face, he wanted to find his brother, he was missing Sam terribly but he had made a promise to him. And reading the angel's note, he knew he had found a new goal in his life which would make him stick to this promise. He had found someone new he wanted to protect at all cost. He folded the note and slid it in his shirt's pocket alongside the amulet. He wanted to keep the memories of those he cherished close to his heart. He sighed and closed his eyes.

-"Thank you…" He breathed.

A quick Destiel Story i made for a dear friend's birthday, Happy birthday Cat :D


End file.
